An elusive peace
by Melody Jade
Summary: "On Alderaan, in a small isolated house that once served as the vacation location of the Organa family, Padmé Amidala watched the holonews of her funeral." (A canon-divergent fic where Padmé survived after Mustafar and goes into hiding with Obi-Wan.)


Padmé Amidala was given a funeral as befitting her rank as a former Queen of Naboo, with full royal guard and the royal headdress. Face heavily adorned, her body was carried in state through the streets of Naboo as people mourned the woman whom in her short life had served Naboo as both Queen and Senator.

On Alderaan, in a small isolated house that once served as the vacation location of the Organa family, Padmé Amidala watched the holonews of her funeral, merely a footnote amidst the widespread changes happening throughout the galaxy as the Senate was stripped away and the Jedi vilified.

It had been a near thing, in the end, that Padmé was here on Alderaan and not the body that was carried through the streets in Naboo. It had felt so easy then to just give up, to give in to the darkness and welcome oblivion, but then Padmé saw her children, and she felt a fierce love and protectiveness rising up through that thick overwhelming grief she'd found herself in. She knew she could not possibly abandon her children then. So she had fought against death, and she had prevailed. She and Obi-Wan, together with the twins, had come to Alderaan to seek refuge. Bail and Breha had offered shelter and protection, and so it was here that they rested and recuperated.

It was a beautiful place, a house situated in the middle of wilderness, with trees and waterfalls blocking them from prying eyes. They were isolated here. Droids delivered their daily necessities, received at the door by C3PO, while R2D2 downloaded the holonews everyday. The Organas could not come visit often as they suspected that their movements were being tracked by the nascent empire. But Padmé and the rest were hidden here, with no other living soul but the native fauna and flora of Alderaan nearby, so they stayed here for months, lost in mourning and grief.

Padmé spent the days taking care of Luke and Leia, and tried to forget the circumstances that had brought them here. Obi-Wan was quiet and kept out of their way, spending most of his days outdoors, practicing katas with his lightsaber. She knew the haunted expression on him reflected hers, and so they avoided each other, each not wanting a reminder of the past and to see how much they had changed.

The holonews was always left switched on, their one connection to the world that still spiraled into darkness around them. It was how they heard the news of Lord Vader - the menacing man in a black mask and suit, who carried out the Emperor's orders and used his red lightsaber to kill all rebels indiscriminately.

Obi-Wan had stood frozen in the doorway of their little cottage, eyes glued to the holoimage of the black figure in cloak and mask, and then he had blanched and left the house.

That had been early this morning, and as night fell, Obi-Wan remained outside.

She made sure the sleeping twins were comfortable and secure in their cots, then she went out in search of Obi-Wan. She found him kneeling, eyes closed, in the clearing beside one of the larger waterfalls. Initially she thought him to be meditating, but then she saw his tense posture, the lightsaber that he held in a death grip in his clenched hands, and she knew he wasn't meditating.

She doubted he had even meditated ever since they had left Mustafar.

In this new world, peace was an elusive concept.

Padmé knelt down beside him, a slight shift of his posture the only acknowledgement from him, and they sat in silence for a long while, the gentle mist of the waterfall spraying them, the only light from the full moon and stars swirling above them. She finally broke the silence surrounding them. "Is this where you come to when you disappear during the day?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "It reminds me of the Room of a Thousand Fountains in the temple. It's my favorite place in the temple. Was." His voice was hoarse, and Padmé couldn't tell if it was from emotion or disuse. His eyes opened, and they fell on the lightsaber that he held over his lap. Following his gaze, Padmé recognized the design on the lightsaber, and she realized that it wasn't Obi-Wan's.

It was Anakin's.

She felt the first stirrings of unease. "Obi-Wan," she breathed out, "whatever it is that you're thinking, don't do it."

He turned haunted eyes to her. "I have to finish this," he said, and he sounded so lost. "Vader… Anakin. I have to end it."

"Obi-Wan, please." She put her hands over his, trying to get him to unclench them. "The Anakin we knew is dead and gone. You can't save him anymore. Please, we have to look for the future now, you and I. The twins and I need you. I can't do this alone."

He finally looked at her, and the expression on his face was both resolute and distant. "You're so strong. You'll be able to do it alone, if need be. I'm the wanted fugitive here, Padmé. I'll only be a burden."

She wanted to shake and slap him, wake him up from the grief that had stifled the Obi-Wan she once knew. Instead, she appealed to his sense of responsibility, hoping that Obi-Wan was not yet so far gone. "You said as much that the twins are strong in the Force, that they shine as brightly as a beacon. I can't hide them from the Empire without you. And who's going to teach them in the ways of the Force as they grow up?"

He drew in a sharp intake of breath. "Will you really have me train your children? After what happened with Anakin?"

"Anakin's faults are his own. Not yours, not mine."

"He was my Padawan."

"He hasn't been that for years. And even then, he made his own choices in the end, Obi-Wan. We can't hold ourselves to blame for that, we can't keep dwelling on the past. That way only lies madness."

Obi-Wan did not reply at first, but his expression was thoughtful, so Padmé kept quiet, allowing him to sort through his thoughts. Eventually he spoke up again, "I don't know what to do now, Padmé. I had spent my entire life in service to the Jedi Order and the Republic. Now they are both gone, in part due to the man I love like my brother." His voice cracked, and he bowed his head, anguish radiating from him. "I don't know where I am supposed to go from here."

"You still serve the Force, don't you? And the Force is always here." Obi-Wan gasped, a sharp inhalation of air, and her heart ached for him.

Obi-Wan shook his head, rueful. "How wise you are. If only we had a fraction of your wisdom."

She squeezed his hands. "I am not wise, Obi-Wan. I made mistakes too, and paid my dues for them. I nearly gave up after Mustafar. But then I saw my children, and I realized the path that I have to walk. For my children, for Luke and Leia. They're my future, not Anakin, and I have to look toward the future. They are your future too, Obi-Wan. I can't raise them without your help."

He nodded again, exhaling softly. "I have to meditate on this." She squeezed his hands again, finally managing to unclench his hands, and took Anakin's lightsaber from him. She stood up, her aching knees twinging at the movement, and left him to it.

And if she spent the entire night clutching Anakin's lightsaber, alternatively happy that she still had a memento of him and anguished that this was all she had left of him, no one else had to know. She finally fell into an uneasy sleep.

The next day, she woke up late, something she had not managed to do ever since the twins, whose cries usually woke her up at the crack of dawn. Worried that something might have happened, she hurried out to check on them, only to see Obi-Wan taking care of them, cradling and feeding Leia even as he used the Force to keep a selection of toys spinning above Luke to keep him entertained.

Their eyes met, and Obi-Wan gave her a nod. "I'm staying," he said, and she smiled through her tears.

* * *

After that day, they started making plans for the future. They could not stay in Alderaan forever, even if the Organas had made it clear that their hospitality was extended indefinitely. Even with her faked death, Padmé would still be instantly recognizable if anyone on Alderaan saw her, and Obi-Wan was a wanted fugitive. They had to leave, to go somewhere that wasn't as close to Coruscant, that wasn't a core world.

Obi-Wan suggested Tatooine, and although Padmé was reluctant at first, not wanting to bring up her children in a place that's so tainted by Anakin's past in slavery, she couldn't argue with the fact that it was an Outer Rim planet and also the one planet that Anakin would never visit again, and would thus be the safest place to raise the children.

They made their preparations to leave and said their farewells to Bail and Breha, and in the matter of a few weeks, they were ready to go. And yet Obi-Wan asked for them to stay for a couple more days, driven by a feeling.

Ahsoka came to them on a rainy afternoon, having received a vision from the Force. She was scared and confused, shell-shocked at the complete annihilation of the Jedi, and Padmé remembered just how young Ahsoka was, that she would still have been just a junior Padawan if she was in the Jedi Order.

"Where's Skyguy?" Ahsoka asked, and when both Padmé and Obi-Wan paled, Ahsoka's breath caught and her eyes filled with tears. "He didn't make it? He... He was killed too?"

For a moment she wanted to let Ahsoka believe that white lie, to believe that the mentor that she knew and respected had died instead of turning to the dark side, but it wouldn't be fair. So in halting statements, they told Ahsoka about Anakin's fall, and she cried the tears that Padmé and Obi-Wan couldn't let fall.

After that, both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan meditated together, late into the night.

Ahsoka joined her and the twins the next afternoon, eyes still puffy and red but looking a lot more at peace, as did Obi-Wan, and it seemed that their shared meditation had done them both a world of good.

She played with the twins for a while, until the children fell asleep for their afternoon nap. She then said to Padmé, eyes still fixed on the twins, "Your children... Skyguy's their father, isn't he." It wasn't a question. They hadn't gotten around to the twins' paternity in last night's revelations, but Padmé wasn't surprised that Ahsoka knew.

"How long have you known?" She asked.

Ahsoka managed to dredge up a smile at her. "Long enough. He always lit up when he talked about you, which was all the time." Padmé had nothing to say to that, and they sat in silence for a while before Ahsoka sighed. "I missed him so much, when I was cut off from the Jedi. And now I miss him even more."

"Me too," Padme said, and they held each other in mutual grief.

It was better, after Ahsoka came, bringing with her the energy of youth. Bidding farewell to the Organas, they left on a small personal ship, babies and droids and new identities in tow, and left for Tatooine. They told no one their destination, it was safer that way.

* * *

They kept themselves busy, Padmé with taking care ofthe twins, while Obi-Wan made frequent trips out to Mos Eisley to trade and buy supplies. They had worried about Obi-Wan being recognized initially, but he looked like he had aged several decades in the last few months, and he also had the Force on his side, so he passed through town with no trouble. Ahsoka resumed her Jedi training under Obi-Wan's tutelage this time.

Slowly, they began to heal. As Obi-Wan continued training Ahsoka, the shadows on his face lightened up and he started to find joy in teaching again, even spending more time with Luke and Leia. Ahsoka found a new role as a big sister, and took great delight in it, and Padmé watched as she grew stronger in the Force, becoming more and more assured as the days went by. And Padmé started to learn that she didn't have to be strong all the time, that there were people she could rely on.

Their idyllic life wouldn't last forever. Ahsoka would leave one day to join the Rebellion, she was never one to remain in the same place for long and even now was itching to do something. So would Obi-Wan, eventually. Even without the benefit of Force-sensitivity, she knew that her children were destined for something great. And Padmé… Padmé was never one to sit back and let people fight her battles for her, and she wasn't going to start now.

But for now they all remained on Tatooine, raising Luke and Leia together. They were the three people who had loved Anakin Skywalker most, each in their own way. As a brother, a lover, a mentor. Their love for Anakin Skywalker, and their grief over losing him, was what made them find each other. Their love for his children, and for each other, was what bound them as a family now.

* * *

 **Note:** This fic was originally posted on AO3 as part of GenEx 2016.


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